Somewhere, a long time ago….I couldn’t even tell you when, where or how I believed a lie. That lie was, “Who are you kidding, you aren’t an artist…you’re merely a mediocre wannabe”. I fed that lie, and let it grow and become a truth in my life. I dropped art in college, convinced I was not good. I dropped art for a very long time. Oh, I’d dabble. Scrapbooking, word art…these became outlets, and don’t get me wrong, they were forms of art….just SAFE forms of art. See, I knew that I was good at creating a scrapbook page. I was good at hand lettering. They were SAFE. But deep inside I knew that I was still no artist. Only a mediocre faker.
Labels. Labels stick, and even when they’re removed can leave a sticky residue that can be hard to get rid of…especially on your heart.
Lately, though, The Spirit has been speaking to me things like: that’s not who you are… I can tell you that, but until you decide to stop listening to the lie nothing can change. There is a potential in you that IS being unlocked, but TRUST is the key. Now is the time to REJECT falsity (Eph. 4:25), it’s time to know WHO YOU ARE.
This is something I wrote (to God) during my morning pages today:
The blank paper represents what I am pouring out to you, and I am afraid to finally discover that I have NO TALENT, that I’m ONLY AVERAGE, LACK CREATIVITY and ORIGINALITY….that I SUCK. That I’m not that great. No talent. No gifting. No calling.
I’m so afraid that I’m going to fail. But as I worked on this painting I kept hearing, “It doesn’t matter…this is just for you and Me, and you can’t fail me.” It wasn’t profound..but something inside me released. Knowing that it didn’t matter. That the only one I had to please was HIM. It was freeing.
This piece started yesterday (Sunday) with this pencil sketch and the idea that He changes our name
She being any woman struggling with her identity in Christ.
After church (which was all just a confirmation of all that had been going on with me personally), I went home and started painting. I hated how it was looking…but that’s when He reminded me it was just for ME & HIM.
I post this and cringe…I so don’t like it, but He makes beautiful things out of our dust! Here is the final piece, and all I can say is God simply amazes me.